Lots of Apple news today!

Incremental iPhone improvements, a gigantic new iPad, a less-creepy name for a new feature, a top-to-bottom-wow-hell-yes Apple TV revamp, and a bland musical performance that nobody ever watches.

As always, it’s all faster, brighter, lighter, cooler, costlier, more colorful, and mostly leaked in advance.

While everyone waits in line to play with the Microsoft Surf–uh… iPad Pro — here are a few things that stuck out as strange.

This was a weird one. As part of the overhauled Apple TV that I absolutely cannot wait to purchase, Apple introduced a new remote that does almost everything. Almost.

It features Bluetooth 4.0, a touchpad and slick glass; it allows clicks and gestures; it charges via Lightning port and lasts 3 months per charge; it has Wii-like motion sensors and supports multiplayer gaming; it has a built-in microphone and deep Siri integration.

That’s crazy. So why not authenticate movie, music and in-app purchases with Touch ID?

Big League Chew, Polly Pocket, Pink Power Ranger. Call it what you want. It surely isn’t rose gold.

“Yuck” – Steve Jobs, 2007

“That’ll be $99, please” – Apple, 2015

Apple “unveiled” a new photo trick today. These “Live Photos” are photographs, marked by a small three-circle icon, that come to life when the user presses and holds on the image.

They’re not really GIFs. Technically, they’re animations made up of separate 12-megapixel stills. When you take a photo, the camera extends the capture moment to just before and just after the photo, adding “contextual” frames to deepen the emotional experience.

This is known to most of us as “video,” and it’s a feature either 18 months old or 126 years old depending on how you look at it.

Apple VP Phil Schiller’s insistence that these aren’t videos does not make him right. Neither do the insane Harry Potter references.

Want optical image stabilization for photos and video? You’ll have to shell out for the plus-sized phone. Apple shouldn’t constrain better features to a less-popular product.

16GB was a silly option for iPhone 6, and it’s not getting any less silly. Good luck shooting all that 4K video with no storage space.

A total no-show. Apple made no mention of any revamped security measures and passed over an opportunity to rip on the competition.

Another oversight. Despite piping in its much-touted Beats 1 radio station at the top of the livestream, there wasn’t a peep about the nascent music streaming service.

Is nobody using it? Did it just get cut out of an already overlong presentation?

If anything else bugged you, holler at me. Otherwise, I’ll be counting the seconds until I can buy this new Apple TV.